The Blue Jay Chapters

A couple of weeks ago, I rounded the corner of my house on a Monday morning, garbage bag in hand and late for work, only to find a beautiful gift in the middle of my driveway.  In the midst of such an unglamorous and mundane task, I was presented with a blue jay feather right on a little mat that I had left out to dry after a day's rain. (Not to mention the fact that my current Soul Coaching group was on its last day of Air Week, so it was almost as if that beautiful shock of blue was just sitting there to mark it!).

But the biggest thing I took away from this was the understanding that we just never know when a gift from spirit is coming our way. I'm also happy to say that a few days later, I dreamt of a blue jay that was up in a tree, shaking himself until a feather fell off of his body onto the ground below. So, I received another feather in that other realm, I'm sure as a result of my offerings of gratitude to this beautiful messenger. (An Elder had recently reminded me to always express my gratitude and lay down some tobacco for the animal or bird messenger whenever possible!).

(Oh- and note to self: Quit grumbling about taking out the garbage from now on!).

Shannon

Turning 40.........

.........was challenging! Okay, okay I admit it! No longer being able to refer to myself as "in my 30's" as of the end of June, I am still finding that I'm in some kind of "age limbo".

Try as I might to take to heart all the familiar sayings that are designed to make us feel better about getting older (ie. "40 is the new 30!", "Age is simply a state of mind", "You're only as old as you feel", "Age is just a number!" and on and on) I still found it difficult to say good-bye to the 30's. And as much as my genuine, good-intentioned friends reassured me that I don't look anywhere near 40, I still found myself cringing at my new number. But why?

Pressures of society? Pressures I place on myself? A strange panic setting in that time was somehow running out? Feeling depressed because I hadn't accomplished some of the goals I'd hoped to have accomplished by 40?

A few months ago, I decided to try to head it all off at the pass by planning a trip to Arizona to "celebrate turning 40" (yes, err, uh, trying to embrace it instead of dreading it!). So, before long, my sweetie and I had the whole thing arranged- I will finally be seeing the Grand Canyon and the beautiful sprawling deserts at the end of August- a dream of mine since I was a little girl. Yet, as excited as I was about the trip, the old dreaded "feeling of 40" eventually crept back in. Yes, 40 was actually getting its own feeling! And it wasn't good!

Then, I let Shawn throw me a party, and as nice as it was, I found myself feeling anxious and discombobulated that day. I then started feeling ridiculous about my reactions......I mean, here I am, with so much to be grateful for: wonderful health,  a great partner and family, wonderful friends, a new business, an education I am proud of,  a still-youthful appearance and a generally laid-back attitude towards life.  So, what was the big deal?

Once I figure it out, I'll let you know. But until then, I am going to continue to try to go with the flow, be grateful for all that I am and all that I have..........and embrace, embrace, embrace (or let go, let go, let go........whichever ends up being easier).

Because, after all,  haven't you heard? Age is just a number.