.........was challenging! Okay, okay I admit it! No longer being able to refer to myself as "in my 30's" as of the end of June, I am still finding that I'm in some kind of "age limbo".
Try as I might to take to heart all the familiar sayings that are designed to make us feel better about getting older (ie. "40 is the new 30!", "Age is simply a state of mind", "You're only as old as you feel", "Age is just a number!" and on and on) I still found it difficult to say good-bye to the 30's. And as much as my genuine, good-intentioned friends reassured me that I don't look anywhere near 40, I still found myself cringing at my new number. But why?
Pressures of society? Pressures I place on myself? A strange panic setting in that time was somehow running out? Feeling depressed because I hadn't accomplished some of the goals I'd hoped to have accomplished by 40?
A few months ago, I decided to try to head it all off at the pass by planning a trip to Arizona to "celebrate turning 40" (yes, err, uh, trying to embrace it instead of dreading it!). So, before long, my sweetie and I had the whole thing arranged- I will finally be seeing the Grand Canyon and the beautiful sprawling deserts at the end of August- a dream of mine since I was a little girl. Yet, as excited as I was about the trip, the old dreaded "feeling of 40" eventually crept back in. Yes, 40 was actually getting its own feeling! And it wasn't good!
Then, I let Shawn throw me a party, and as nice as it was, I found myself feeling anxious and discombobulated that day. I then started feeling ridiculous about my reactions......I mean, here I am, with so much to be grateful for: wonderful health, a great partner and family, wonderful friends, a new business, an education I am proud of, a still-youthful appearance and a generally laid-back attitude towards life. So, what was the big deal?
Once I figure it out, I'll let you know. But until then, I am going to continue to try to go with the flow, be grateful for all that I am and all that I have..........and embrace, embrace, embrace (or let go, let go, let go........whichever ends up being easier).
Because, after all, haven't you heard? Age is just a number.
Yes I have heard that age is just a number :) however, when you are nearing 70 as I am it is not so much the number but those damned wrinkles, because internally or mentally I still feel as if am 35. And so I shall carry on flirting in spite of the cranky mirror. For life is all about giving pleasure.
ReplyDelete